Why do you want to foster?

The amount of paperwork leading up to becoming a licensed foster parent is ridiculous. I write just like I speak, so, naturally, my "short answer" questions end up being eight paragraphs. I know our licensing agent just loves reviewing my homework. Hah.

One of the most asked questions that we keep having to fill out over and over and over again is, "Why do you want to become a foster parent?".

We were the youngest couple in our GPS class by 10 years, probably. I was intimidated by this the first few classes, but I quickly learned that just because I don't already have children that doesn't mean I can't be a good foster parent. 

A lot of times people assume that I cannot have children, which is why I entered foster care. From what the doctors tell me, I can have kids. I have a regular, monthly cycle though being overweight could make conceiving difficult. I want kids of my own someday. I very much want to have a house full of my own children, but, until then, I want to know I am helping children in my own community. Whatever foster children that we have the privilege of parenting were put in our lives by God, and I know he has a reason for everything, so here I am... filling out paperwork... -taking safety courses... and baby-proofing my apartment. So, yes, I can have children of my own. Don't forget, people, I am only twenty-two years old. This baby making factory isn't going to be shut down for years to come, so I have time. My biological clock is not ticking out of control. 

As I was saying above, I am a firm believer that God puts certain people in your life for certain reasons. One of those particular people would be my husband. My husband was born and raised in Florida. I was born in South Carolina but raised in Alabama. My husband didn't move to Florida until he was nineteen. I didn't meet him until he was twenty-three. We met through a random myspace search. Nerdy, huh? Anyways, we met in November of 2008 and met up that following month on New Years Eve. What if his parents hadn't decided to move to Alabama? What if my parents hadn't decided to move my sister and me to Alabama? Dustin and I wouldn't have ever met, therefore Dustin wouldn't have ever had such an amazing wife :) I am kidding, but not really ;) God put us in each other's lives. We married very young. We literally started from the bottom, and had a very, very hard first year of marriage where we survived off Ramon Noodles and the love we had for each other. We fought, we argued, we cried, we yelled, but we made it. We are very blessed to be where we are today. We may not have the nicest living room furniture and our dishes may not match, but we are extremely blessed and we've worked very hard for what we have. Dustin and I was at each other's throats this morning while we were bopping and weaving threw traffic to find a parking spot for the Christmas parade, but not two minutes later we were laughing and holding hands while enjoying the holiday festivities. He was made for me, as I was made for him. 

Now, back to why we decided to foster. 

In February of 2011, I started working at a childcare center in Alabaster. That following summer, I was introduced to three blonde haired kids that forever changed my life. For privacy sake, I will call them Prancer, Dancer, and Rudolph. (Tis' the season, right) Prancer, Dancer, and Rudolph were very quite and shy when they first started. I had immediately attached myself to Rudolph. Rudolph was much older than his age, and he was very much protective over Prancer and Dancer. I realized that Rudolph never took his eyes off Prancer and Dancer when they were on the playground playing with the other kids. Within just a few weeks of being around them, I found myself saddened that Rudolph never relaxed enough to actually enjoy being a kid, instead he was always tense and watching out for Prancer and Dancer. Months passed by and I could tell Rudolph was beginning to feel more comfortable at school and their behaviors had changed (for the better). Rudolph, Prancer, and Dancer had awesome foster parents that invested their lives into the foster children that came into their homes. I quickly fell in love with foster mom! She was a beautiful lady on the inside and out. She was soft spoken and friendly. She could tell I was interested in knowing more about fostering. I was moved that this couple would take on these triplets, and give them the love, attention, and home they deserved. She invited me to orientation for foster care, but I didn't show up. I was scared. I let my anxieties get the best of me, and I changed my mind on attending just a day in advance. The triplets soon left for kindergarten, and that was that. That chapter of the book was closed before it ever opened.

Until that following summer rolled around...

To my delight, the triplets were coming back to the center for summer care! Yay! I was very excited (but nervous that they wouldn't remember me). I remember the first day they were back. I walked into the classroom and they were just as excited to see me as I was to see them! But, to my surprise there was one more! Oh, wow! To stick with the reindeer theme, I will name her Blitzen. Blitzen was a beautiful brown haired, brown eyed girl. Blitzen was shy at first also, but I could tell she wanted the same amount of attention that everyone else was getting. I soon fell in love with Blitzen also, and before long I was calling them the quadruplets. Again, I was AMAZED at how awesome this foster mom and dad were to bring yet another foster child into their home while still fostering the previous group of children. I am telling you folks, these people are God sent! Foster mom invited my husband and I to the GPS classes again, but this time I committed. I didn't care how nervous or scared I was. I was going to go and we were going to "consider" foster care because I had this overpowering feeling telling me I HAD to help children in our community. I had to be that person that made a difference in a child's life. I soon realized that "overpowering feeling" was the Lord telling me- open your eyes silly! This is part of my "plan" for you! If it wasn't for these amazing foster parents, I would have dumbly ignored God yelling at me- WOOO-WHOOO! Over here! This calling is meant for you! 

We went to the orientation to "consider" foster care. We left orientation KNOWING we were meant to foster. We didn't chose fostering, fostering chose us.

God sent me Rudolph, Prancer, Dancer, and sweet, sweet Blitzen into my life along with two pretty awesome foster parents to guide me through the way. It's funny that I chose reindeer names for the foster care's privacy, when in all reality those four foster kids were my inspiration this entire time and they are guiding us through this journey just like reindeer guiding Santa on Christmas Eve. 

My husband is such a great man. I don't give him enough credit. He is supporting my decision to foster one hundred percent. Yes, he has met the "reindeer" but he doesn't have the connection that I have with them. Fostering (and parenting in general) is terrifying to us. Though my husbands answer to why you have chosen to foster might very well be, "because my wife wants too", I am so blessed that he trust me enough to lead him and show him that this opportunity is a calling from God. We haven't even completed the licensing stage yet and we've already seen the blessings in disguise. We've grown together as a couple so much already, and I will forever be grateful that God sent me those four reindeer and those awesome foster parents. 

During the GPS classes, we are taught how to be "loss experts". They try to get us to understand that these children coming into our homes are loosing their parents, brothers and sisters, pets, homes, neighbors, friends, communities, etc. This is a big, scary change for them. In their eyes, they are loosing everything. They focus a lot of preparing foster parents to take care of any lashing out or behavioral acting out due to this change. They teach us signs to look for and how we can make the foster child more comfortable while in our home. They teach us lots of ways to help prepare the foster child to leave our home (once again they are loosing something) and go back to their own home. They teach us all these ways to become loss experts, but I don't feel like they teach us how to cope with loss ourselves. We've had this child in our home for however long, treating them like our very own children, and now we are loosing them. Though it's a glorious thing to have a child reconnected to their birth family, it still sucks for us. I know, I know. That's what foster care is all about- reconnecting children with birth families. Just because I know that, doesn't mean it doesn't suck any less.

This week I've been able to witness just how bad it sucks. 

And, man, does it suck.

Blitzen got to go home yesterday.. I have been praying so hard these past few days for Blitzen and Blitzen's family. I have been praying for Rudolph, Dancer, and Prancer. I've been praying for these wonderful foster parents. I've been praying for myself. I know God is like I'VE GOT THIS WOMAN, but, man, this stinks. 

We went to the Christmas parade this morning. Dancer was in the Christmas parade on a float for an extra curricular activity she does. I am use to seeing Blitzen with Dancer...

Man, this sucks.